7 Steps to Getting Unstuck (even if you’ve been using the same excuses for years and tired of hearing yourself say them)
If you are like me, you often feel that your energy is divided between so many of the things that are important to you.
You don’t want to cut corners anywhere, yet feel like you are falling short everywhere.
You want to create a business that compliments, rather than competes for your time (or your kids).
You want to get serious about your dreams of being in business for yourself, but right now though, the lack of support in your life is making you wonder if you really have the energy and confidence to do this.
I mean you already feel overextended as it is.
And yet, the satisfaction of creating something just for you (maybe outside of your role as a mother/wife/partner?) would be sooo satisfying and validating!
There is a reason the creator gave you those gifts, skills and talents (after all you don’t want to die with your dream in you right?)!
I too struggled with feelings of doubt, fear and time poverty before I got serious about my biz.
I oscillated between thinking that I didn’t have to give up my dreams to become a mother and that I would simply ‘do it all’ with my kids in tow…… to – worrying that being successful in business, meant that I had to neglect my kids to get there.
I had the thought that my business aspirations were causing me to lack presence with my kids and worse, that my they were the reason that I couldn’t fulfill my own and my business’s potential.
With these opposing thoughts carrying equal weight in my brain, I was caught in a double bind…… ‘damned if I did and damned if I didn’t’.
Like you, I found it extremely difficult to get very far with my business, because I was immobilized with fear and indecision.
Somewhere, along the way I discovered that I was under the spell of a ‘program’, one that had been passed on from my mother and my grandmothers.
I literally needed to see my thoughts for what they were, question them and rewire my brain to see what was really true.
Once I discovered that these thoughts were simply ‘symptoms’ and not the ‘cause’, I was able to see clearly that what I really needed to do was heal the pattern. Not just for me, but so that I could pave the way for my own daughter (and future daughter in law!) to not have to struggle, the way I had.
I have made it my mission as a mother to ensure that my kids will never have to feel conflicted about whether or not living their dreams and serving their children’s needs simultaneously is possible – or question whether it is even the right thing to do ….(yes, I used to feel guilty….. like maybe I was doing something wrong to have aspirations outside of motherhood…as though it was just a necessary trade off to have to martyr myself to be a ‘good’ mom).
And of course, that’s not all….I too had other issues getting in the way of giving myself permission to thrive in business.
I found it extremely difficult to get very far with my business, because I was immobilized with the fear that people wouldn’t pay what I needed to charge to make my services translate into a viable income.
Indecision and lack of clarity kept me paralyzed from taking action.
But that’s not all….I too had other issues getting in the way of giving myself permission to thrive in business.
I was scared to get out there, be seen and speak my truth – especially because my beliefs and my lifestyle was so ‘out there’.
I had been a vegetarian for 13 years, I am anti vaccine, pro home birth and pro unassisted birth (I had two homebirths and birthed my daughter Jasmine by myself on purpose – not by accident on the way to the hospital!).
I breastfed my both my babes for 4 ½ years each, and choose to embark on career paths in unregulated fields.
Most of the time, I felt too alternative and misunderstood (even in alternative circles!). I felt like I had to hide my true feelings and beliefs to uphold some level of PC…enough to at least fly under the radar as a birth educator, Doula and nutritionist…quietly making a difference, but at the same time holding back.
The businesses I wanted to start were unproven. I couldn’t do the market research, because the businesses I envision had never existed before.
I had to trust my hunches, without external support or validation.
In fact, when I graduated with my second certificate in holistic nutrition, my mother in law – a pharmacist – figured I had a lot of nerve to decide that path of holistic nutrition was an authentic profession – without the approval of a regulatory body –gasp! – she took the time to pull me aside to privately and smugly let me know that she didn’t validate me or my chosen career path.
Besides moving forward in the face of disapproval and without support, I also had fears of stepping into the shoes of being seen as an expert, embarking on public speaking. It wasn’t only the stage fright that got to me, but also the fear of ’getting caught’ not knowing the answer or risking the possibility of appearing and feeling foolish.
Finally, I dreaded the thought of being seen as ‘salesy’ or having to experience failure and/or rejection.
Like you, I had too had at least as many internal as external obstacles to overcome.
Beyond the emotional stuff though, it also felt like wading through mud with all the technical learning curves and getting steered off course with quick fixes where I couldn’t see the bigger picture.
I didn’t have someone alongside me who could see where I was at, where I needed to be focusing my attention and efforts, along with the quickest and most painless way to get shit done!
I promise you though, that as scary as it can be to put yourself out there and risk feeling judged, disapproved of or even mocked– the fear of these feelings is universal and every single person who has walked the path as a entrepreneur has had to walk through them to get to the other side.
Even though it is scary, not only will you come out alive (disapproval doesn’t kill, even if it makes you feel like you are dying!), but you’ll soon discover that there is an equal and opposite experience on its way to you.
You will in time feel accomplished, humbled by the praise of people who love you, support you and are so grateful for your service.
But you have to do the work first.
You have to give yourself approval now for your current accomplishments and self validate – by your courage to jump full into the experience and give it your all.
No, you won’t offer the perfect product or service the first time (or ever really… because your standards will keep increasing!).
Of course you can’t give your clients the level of service, that you will be able to give them 3-5 years from now.
But you can rest assured that every risk you take helps you gain confidence, and each success builds on the next.
Remember though, who you are right now is already enough.
It is not a perfect product or process that transforms lives. It is your priceless presence that gives your service the power to make a difference in someone’s life!
Make a decision now to commit to doing whatever is required to make your dream come true.
Here is how to get to the other side of all the reasons why you think you can’t (insert your dream)…
- List your excuses and promise yourself that no matter what you will never say that out loud again to anyone, ever!
- Recognize that they are symptoms, not causes
- Determine the root cause
- Change your paradigm
- Decide what actions you need to take
- Summon the courage to ask for help and commit to the steps
- Hire a coach for direction, support and accountability
Sound easier said, than done?
If you are like me, you know that you’ll never get down to making the space and time to do this on your own.
That’s because the stuff that keeps us stuck the most, is the hardest to look at, and stay with long enough to even look beneath the surface (the symptoms).
It is the stuff that is super difficult to stay present to, and super easy to distract ourselves from.
If you haven’t risen above it on your own by now, it is likely that you never will.
I too was once standing in your shoes, knowing what I needed to do, but never doing it.
Finally, I sucked it up and got the support, accountability and mentorship I needed ….and stayed with the process long enough to make this a life time practice.
Want to chat about how you can get unstuck, finally close the chapter on all the reason’s you can’t and start creating a plan for how you can?
If that sounds like exactly what you need next, click here to apply for a complimentary no obligation ‘Dream Design’ session and we’ll chat about how you can!